The Most Beautiful Time of Year

GUESS WHERE I WAS YESTERDAY.
okay, so most of you know, but i was in LAPLAND. yes, as in Lapland, Santa's home. Every year, the Edinburgh charity FACE (Fighting Against Cancer in Edinburgh) take a group of children who've been battling cancer to Lapland for the day to take their minds off the sh!t they've gone through and to treat them. It was beyond exciting, especially as it was the first time I've been out of Scotland for 10 months; which is the longest I've ever ever not been on holiday. (my family are holiday fanatics) so I'll give you a bit of an insight, because i know you're all dying to know.

So at 5am on Sunday, i was rudely awoken by my father telling me we had to leave in 20 minutes. ..not helped by the fact I got to bed 3 hours earlier. SKITE-MARE. We went to Edinburgh airport to find our flight was delayed. At around 8.30 we eventually got on our plane headed to Kittila, in Finland. The plane was around three hours which was passed very slowly as the children were singing christmas songs through the inter-call. definitely not needed at such a disgusting hour.

When we arrived in Kittila, we were given thermal snowsuits and snow boots into which we changed and we were ready to go. We split into groups and got a 'motorised sledge ride' into the Lapland resort. (when i say motorised sledge, i very much mean a wooden box driven by a foreign woman on a snowmobile) however, it was extremely fun..for the first twenty minutes. By then i was sure i had at least one frost bite and couldn't feel my face in the -35 climate. Finally, after about forty five minutes of being numb, we arrived in Lapland where we were greeted by my new soon-to-be best friends; Santa's elves who handed over hot chocolate and took us into a cosy log-cabin with a fire.

After much debate about whether we should venture back out into the arctic, we left the log cabin and headed straight for the Huskies. There are no words to describe this. Riding in a husky-pulled-reindeer skin-sledge. wow. It was literally unreal. 10 small huskies pulling two of us around a course. Definitely something everyone should put on their bucket list.



















We then struggled through the deep snow to the Reindeer rides. again, too amazing for words. Being pulled in, again, a reindeer fur sledge by reindeer. like..real reindeer! The little girl, Eve, i was with was telling me how the reindeer we had was Blitzen because (s)he is the fastest. But Rudolf was in the North Pole sleeping so she couldn't see him. she was close to tears whilst facing the fact she wasn't going to see Rudolf. bless her cotton socks.


As we were cold, we needed a huge adrenaline rush. so off to the snowmobiles we went. unreal fun. Whizzing around at 80mph on a bumpy snow track around a frozen lake. Snow flying in your eyes, not being able to see anything, getting frost bite, again. wow. adrenaline rush: check.

We were then a bit chilly (aka frozen numb) so decided to get into a mass snowball fight. Clever, huh? So we had a snowball fight and went sledging and then we literally couldn't move so waddled inside the 'resaurant' for some 'food' (note: inverted commas meaning it wasn't very edible) and had a wander around the far too over-priced shop.

After chilling for a bit we joined the queue for SANTA. whilst waiting, we had banter with the elves who taught us a dance and believes i was famous in the UK for singing and dancing..lol. So we got to the front of the queue for Santa and got to go into his grotto. i kid you not, after that encounter, Santa is real. all you haters can believe what you like, but the man exists. He had a long white beard with long white hair, an oversized beer belly, and he knew everything about me. Officially a child again.

So that's a short summary of my Lapland experience. Please, if you've never been before, GO. you will regret it if you don't. such an unreal day, very surreal; it feels like it was a dream. SUCH huge thanks to John Maccauly and his team at FACE. AYYO.

So apart from Lapland, it's a very exciting time of year, i had my end-of-treatment diagnostic scans last Tuesday, had my sixteenth (woo so old ///) on Thursday, moved house on Friday, birthday dinner and Errington skite on Saturday, Lapland yesterday, Georgia's birthday skite on Wednesday and pupil entertainment and PANTO on Thursday before we break up for CHREEEESTMUUUUSSS. So, in the case of me not blogging until Sunday, i hope you all have an amazing Christmas. However, if you don't believe in Santa, it's simple, you won't.

Ho Ho Ho!

Christmas is Coming

So, being the last post i'll do before December (which is on Thursday. advent calendars HOLLA), I'd like to take the chance to make some Christmas predictions
1) there will be snow. lots of snow.
2) Misha B will win XFactor.
3) ..or Amelia Lily (hopefully)
4) .. possibly Marcus.
5) one of the above will be Christmas number one.
6) I will leave my Christmas shopping until very last minute.
7) There will be at least 3 snow days.
8) Despite being forbidden, we will sledge down the MES hill.
9) I will accumulate a cold/flu/chest infection.
10) Christmas will be AMAZING.


Although, despite making my Christmas playlist, I've had Rihanna and One Direction on repeat all week. WHAT IS THIS?! Muust get my Christmas spirit up to scratch. Feeling v unchristmassy.

BTWz. thought you'd all like to know that we raised £4000 for Teenage Cancer Trust last weekend at our MES FPs Christmas Fair. EYYYY. #winning

Would also like to take this opportunity to point out my huge respect for Alice Pyne. Alice is a 15 year old girl, (who has the same birthday as me AYYO) with the same cancer as myself, although hers is terminal. She has a Bucket List Blog which is a crazy good read. She's currently trying to re-trend worldwide on twitter with #alicebucketlist so y'all should tweet it, by doing this, you'll be joining the likes of Kim Kardashian, Rihanna, Katy Perry and the rest by helping her. well jeal.

Weell, happy December everyone.

The Wall

I think I've done it, I've just hit the radiotherapy wall and I'm really not enjoying it in the slightest. I was told that, roughly 6-8 weeks after finishing radiotherapy, my body would hit a wall and try to shut down, leaving me constantly shattered. To the extent that I will be almost in tears whilst dragging myself out of bed at 7.30 for school. I will then be drifting off for the duration of the day, and when I finally go to bed, sleep is the last thing my body seems capable of. LOLWUUUT?! Quite literally thee most frustrating thing. I have never quite experienced such tiredness before, I feel as if I could hibernate until summer and still be shattered. Never have radiotherapy.

Although, when I do get my few hours of nightly sleep, I seem to have adopted a new recurring dream, which I'm not so fond of. I dream that my hair is down to my shoulders, yet I'm still extremely self-conscious and still want to wear my wig (even though my hair is shorter than most boys and i don't wear my wig) It's literally two or three years worth of hair growth in a night, much to my delight. I keep waking up from the dream playing with imaginary hair around my shoulders. To my extreme disappointment, when I look in the mirror, my hair is exactly the same as it was when I went to sleep. Putting me in a deep state of disappointment for the entirety of the day.

My weekly Sunday Photobooth photos prove that my hair has, quite literally, stayed the same for the past month. Maybe it's given up on growing. Maybe I'll be a lesbian-man for the rest of my days. The same has occurred with my lashes and brows. In all my vanity, my lashes used to be beautifully long, and are now no more than what you could call stumps. And I now refuse to leave the house without filled in brows; something I would never have even imagined doing 10 months ago. It's a sad happening really.

My skin, as well. Not that it's not growing, obviously, but that it's changed. Before disgnosis I have very average skin. Some days it could be beautifully clear and glowing, and others it could be disgustingly dry, with a colony of spots. Upon my first chemo, I got a horrendous rash all over my neck, chest and forehead, that looked much like acne, except they weren't proper spots, they were more just red itchy bumps. Then further on in my chemo, my skin was flawless, got no spots at all. Upon changing my chemo scheme, the rash came back to visit and during that scheme it was back to flawless. Now, well..it's back to average and I don't like it. I WANT FLAWLESS GLOWING SKIN. If anyone; Caggie, Millie, Audrina, Lauren C would like to swap, just get in touch yeah..?

New Found Love

Yesterday, 6th November 2011 was the It's Good 2 Give annual fashion show. Having been sitting in the audience last year thinking 'what a shame on these guys, having to go through such shit' ..it was my time to shine. Never would I have thought I'd have a reason to participate except from being a friend of Lynne's. But there I was, after months of organising, planning, sharing ideas (not so much on my behalf. most uncreative little squirrel over here) and looking forward to it, I soon enough found myself side by side with Shannon, being introduced by Grant Stott.

How did I get myself into hosting? Well..Lynne tried to bully me into modelling, and knowing I had aaall my steroid weight to come, i barely left the house never mind wanted to strut my 'stuff' on a catwalk infront of 500 people. But I knew I wasn't getting out of it so, for some reason, must have been spur of the moment, I agreed to co-host with Shannon MacKenzie and Grant Stott. The thing that was worrying me, however, was the fact i wasn't at all nervous. Despite the only public speaking I've ever done in my life is the odd 'About Me' presentation to my class in primary school. [cue sexy photo of me pouting] Anyway, I thought 'och, I'll be fine, we'll have a script, i'll learn it.' WEEEELL, this wasn't quite the case. No more than an hour before we were due on stage, we were handed cue cards and barely had a chance to read over them. But of course, Mr Panto Baddie/radio presenter Grant Stott kept us right. Hosting really is my new found love and I desperately want to do something like that again.

I can honestly say I haven't experienced such thrills in a long, long, long time. It was the most fun I've had in I'd say years. It was an incredible show, the models, each with a reason to model (patients, siblings, parents, nurses etc) were incredible. Ranging from baby Skye ages three to Lady Province in her seventies. It was a night I will never forget and I very much look forward to next year. Only someone as special as Lynne could have pulled it off. Honestly, if you haven't met Lynne, go to her house with flowers and chocolates. Amazing.

'The Aftermath' ..apparantly.

So Alexa was asking my why i don't blog much anymore and the honest reason is that I simply have nothing to blog about right now. Life is currently as normal as it has been for a looong time. I'm doing full time at school, actually working (yes, don't fall off your seats), i've not been in hospital for over three weeks. Just keeping myself busy really.





I wouldn't exactly call this stage in time 'the aftermath' because who knows whats to come. I get my diagnostic scans in December, and if I get the all-clear I will officially be in a 5 year state of remission. Once that is over, then I will be in the aftermath. The aftermath of what has been the ultimate worst time in my life, which I would never wish upon even my worst enemy. No one deserves to go through what I've been through and what a lot of other people I've gotten to know are going through, it is quite literally the worst thing. When you're not affected by it in some way, it's generally oblivious to you. But when you experience it and how some people's lives are everyday, you simply need to do something about it. Before this year, I had never thought about it. I didn't even know what Cancer was. To me it was just a scary word that ultimately ended in death but I was soon to realise there's so much more to it than that.

This is why I've decided to become a lot more involved. I've joined our school's charities committee, which, ironically, this year are focussing on Teenage Cancer Trust and CCLASP (who recently got a large donation from the Secret Millionaire) I've also decided to try and get some girls together to do the Half Moon Walk in summer and I am doing the Race for Life (which I have always wanted to do but have always simply been too lazy). I have also been getting involved with my current fave charity It's Good 2 Give and am co-hosting their annual fashion show this Sunday. It's not that it took me suffering to get over the ignorance of ignoring charities like this, it's just that I was blissfully unaware of it and didn't really think about it nor did I want to. 

So yeah, if you're ever looking for a charity to donate your bake sale money to or to fundraise for regardless. I'd highly recommend the charities I've mentioned here as well as Love Oliver. A charity set up after a 24 week old boy passed away last Christmas Day from a chronic cancer condition. After being subject to these charities and experiencing what they do and how much of a difference they make, i have realised in the increasing extent of the needs for these charities.

Chin Up Buttercup

After seven months of intense chemo, two weeks of hell-defining radio and two weeks in isolation for shingles, I finally feel as if life is getting back to..well..normal. I did the longest week at school since March, only missing out one and a quarter periods (solely because i got in at half one that morning and didn't get to bed until the back of two) And now it's October half term with no planned visits to hospital. To think this time last year, I was chilling, having thee most amazing time in Greece, not feeling that unwell, having as perfect a life as I could possibly have when I'm fourteen. And now, just one year later I've gone through an entire treatment for cancer, all my steroid weight slowly disappearing and hair slowly regrowing, it's crazy. You'd never have thought that that was what the future year had entailed for you. It just comes to show it's the most unexpected things that define your life.

I now have a five year period of remission until I'm given the official all clear. Basically meaning, if my disease stays away and doesn't relapse for five years, I'm 'cured' as you'd put it. Also in five years, my hair will (hopefully) be back to it's nice length that it once was, a while ago. The radiotherapy caused parts of my hair to fall out again, so I have a HUGE bald patch at the back of my head that may never come back, but I think I've given up on my wigs. They're such a nuisance. Why people like Gaga wear them for fun, I will never know. They're so uncomfortable, hot, annoying, mobile etc. So beware member of Edinburgh's public, the bald patch is now on the loose. Lock up your children. No, I'm kidding, but it's not exactly..aesthetically pleasing.

Although I say all my treatment is finished, technically this isn't true. I've just started Reiki and Reflexology sessions. Now please don't ask me what this is, because I honestly do not know. Mainly because it's all very spiritual and confusing but also because for both sessions so far, I've fallen asleep for the entire session. For all I know, she could be sitting in her office having a cup of tea whilst we pay for her to go all reiki on me. But yes, if you want to know what it is, google it, I'm useless. All I know is I didn't eat for two weeks, got Reiki and reflexology where she 'worked on my digestive system' and BAM my appetite is back. ..weird.

And of course the highlight of my week, of course, was seeing the most beautiful woman who ever lived, Rihanna. I cannot even describe this, so all I will say is..OH. MY. GOD.

Radio GaGa

"Corner of mouth to tip of earlobe, 91, 35, 42" is the current tune stuck in my head like a broken record. This is the result of eleven daily sessions of radiotherapy. What this means, I have no idea. I'm lying on a 'bed' (bed? puh-lease. beds are comfy in my experience) naked with four radiographers hovering over me lining me up with red and green lasers. Anyway, I'm beyond pleased to say that Thursday was my official end of treatment and boyy you have no idea how good it feels to say that after over a year of feeling like sh*t.  

So apart from radio, I've had an interesting few weeks, hence why you've been left blogless. I got cysts inside my bones as a result of steroid withdrawal, i then got bad cramps in my left ribs which turns out to be shingles (juust what I need eh) so I spent 5 days in isolation, and not even in my own ward (no TCT = no big TV, no colour LED lights, no internet, no DVD player, no nice snacks etc etc) so as you can imagine, I wasn't happy. 5 days meant 4 cannulas, 15 bags of anti-virals and 20 bags of fluids. On top of all that, my gullet is burnt to a shrivel due to the radio so I'm unable to eat, drink or swallow comfortably pluss I've been very sick. So it's not a great time for baby lgibs. Buuuuut its almost the end, when my radio symptoms disappear I will be an (almost) normal being. I think anyone who'se got or has had cancer can agree with me when I say that once you've been diagnosed, 'normal' is a very unusual word that isn't used often. 

My parents and Lynne McNicoll have been my saviours this week by providing me with ice lollies, ice creams and amusement. There was an It's Good 2 Give fashion show meeting on Tuesday which I managed to convince my doctors to let me out for. So yes, 

It's Good 2 Give 

Fashion Show

Tom Fleming Centre 

(PAC) at SMC

November 6th 

from 4-6

£5 a ticket for an 

amazing cause. 

(just ask for a ticket 

and I'll get you one)

Please come, it's going to be amazing. Over 50 models all with some connection to cancer and some truly wicked hosts (yours truly, the infamous Grant Stott (baddie from the pantos/radio presenter) and a fellow patient Shannon.) 

                                                                               

So, now that I'm (as far as I'm aware) finished, let's hope it's all up and away from here. I'm so over being ill.