Cancerversary.

So it has officially been a year. On the 9th March 2011, I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, and on the 9th March 2012 I'm in remission. Crazy huh? I was ill, diagnosed, treated and I'm out the other end all in a calendar year. Far too surreal.

So, of course, because my best friend is a sentimental loser (in the most amazing way), we celebrated..and of course, with food and wine. Lily, who has been the biggest God-send of a friend this year, comes over, bearing gifts of the most sentimental kind; a bedazzled card and a poem. Yes, she wrote a poem about me last year. I read it. I cried. If you were to read it, you'd cry. But you're not going to read it, because it's mine.

Most people would spend the day mourning about how shit a time it's been and how glad they are that it's over. But because that's too mainstream for Lily, we celebrate the fact that I was one of the lucky ones, and that I survived. Yes, it's been a shit year, but at the same time it's been an amazing year. I've met the most amazing people, become closer to the most amazing people in my life and had some amazing experiences. And now that I'm over it, I've come back bouncing.

Anyway, in other news, my fave charity, It's Good 2 Give! had their first ever ball last week which was the biggest of successes. Raising around £20, 000 and leaving the Sheraton wine-less, it was one of the most amazing nights in Good2Give history. I strongly advise tickets to be bought for next year sooner rather than later as it's selling out fast. G2G WINNING.

Tumour Humour.

I've just come home from a weekend in Nottingham at Center Parcs with the Teenage Cancer Trust. Basically, they do an annual conference called 'Find Your Sense of Tumour' (I know, right?) for teenagers over the UK to get together and attend various conferences and partake in various activities. Now, I have no idea what I expected, but definitely not how it was. Spending a weekend with people you don't know, in a confined area, talking about cancer. Doesn't sound too thrilling. And then I got there.


Each day consisted of breakfast, conferences from 9-4, free time and evening meals and discos. The conferences varied from talks from different people with different experiences and a talk from Hardeep Singh Kohli to an inspirational speech from Sean Swarner - the first ever cancer survivor to climb Everest and a question and answer session with a pannel of consultants, experts and GPs. To say the least, they were all surprisingly entertaining whilst still informative. 

Meeting other people going through exactly what you have is so, unbelievably reassuring. You're always told "don't worry. that's normal. everyone in this position goes through that." But you never really believe it. Being handed the opportunity to share experiences of treatment, side effects and how it affects friendships, social lives and you're state of emotion reassures you that, in reality, everyone else actually is going through what you're going through. 

Hodgkins Girls EYYY

The way the weekend and the people functioned was hilarious though. For example, I met a guy whilst waiting for our massages. I spoke to him for about half an hour, spoke to him that night and the following night, could probably tell you his life story, yet I still don't know his name. It just didn't come up in a conversation which started 'Hey, how are you, so what do you have?' and then carried on to share experiences of treatment etc. So, young gentleman from London who has testicular cancer and a tattoo on your neck, if you're reading, get in touch.

Not only did I come away from the weekend tired and inspired, I came back with a lot of new friends, reassurance that I'm 'normal' (for a cancer survivor anyway) and with expanded tumour humour (the ability to laugh and make jokes about cancer, and , obviously, tumours.) So I'm pleased to announce, officially, that I did indeed find my 'sense of tumour' (Which my friend and I decided was a Fabergé Egg) and I am now extremely comfortable in my new senses.

For further information, you can watch the conferences online at www.jimmyteens.tv (I strongly recommend Sean Swarner's when it's uploaded.) 

Blah Blah Blah

So after a month of hard work, prelims are finally over. EYYY. I feel as if I've just invented the telephone or something, this feels like suuch an achievement for me. I've never really sat exams before. I missed my third year exams due to Iceland conveniently erupting which meant we were stuck in the Caribbean and had to spend a week in New York before we were able to fly home (shame that) and my fourth year prelims don't count because i did nil revision and wrote about a sentence per answer due to my lack of energy as i was so ill. An obviously i didn't sit any Int2's because i was having treatment and missing school. (although i sat maths, having taught myself unit 3 (the hard bit) and sitting it in my hospital room, and achieved an A..incase i didn't tell you..but i will have because it's probably the biggest achievement of my life, not even kidding) So sitting proper exams, in a big exam hall was practically new to me. Not an experience that i'd wish to occur more often, but it was.. regrettably, quite fun. Although i'm beyond glad they're now over and i can sit, do nothing and not feel guilty.

In other news, i chemically straightened my hair this week. Basically, being the fan/stalker of Sophie's blog that I am, after she blogged about being able to have non-microphone, non-Frankie Cocozza/Harry Styles styled hair, I had to try it myself. And it was one of the best recommendations I think I've ever had. So many people say "aw it must be quite convenient having short hair, must be so easy to maintain." but ladies and gents, don't be fooled by the dyke spike. With my long hair, I'd wash it every second night, let it dry naturally and straighten it when i could be bothered. With my dyke spike, however, I have to wash it almost every night, blow dry it and then straighten it if I plan on leaving the house in order to look relatively normal. I've never spent so much hair-time in my life. So i invested in 'Soft Sheen Carson Dark and Lovely Kids' hair relaxing kit. All that was involved was mixing the mousse, applying the mousse and washing out and BAM i have straight hair without having to blow dry or straighten. Absolute bliss.

before 

after (naturally dried, unstraightened. EYY)

The last thing I'd like to mention in my blog is the current state of humanity. Now I have some pretty incredible people in my life. An amazing family, incredible friends and such a good support group, but I've also encountered some pretty disgusting people. The perfect example of this is my experience from this morning. So there I am, chilling in bed, when my phone buzzes with a facebook notification. A friend of mine had been fraped and left a comment on my facebook including the term 'patient c*nt.' This in itself is pretty sick. Picking on people for the way they look, the way they act etc is one thing, but making fun of people that have a disease that is outwith their control is a whole new level of low. So I delete it, spare the poor lowlife from embarrassment, to which i am bombarded with another comment saying 'haha deleted my comment you tumor' like..wtf. Not as if I was offended; those who know me know that I'm not one for caring what others think of me; I was just a bit shocked, and disgusted. Now I'm not going to name and shame, although I know who it was, but people who do stuff like this need to have a think about their life and adopt some boundaries because I know I'm not the only one who gets abuse for the same reasons, some friends do as well and it's just disgusting. The people I've met through my disease are some of the strongest, most inspirational people I have ever come across and people who evidently have nothing better to do really do not deserve to be bad-mouthing other people for such reasons.

I couldn't think of a better name for this blog than Blah Blah Blah because it's literally just me ranting and exposing my thoughts. Sorry for the shchat. I promise to try harder. X

Procrastination.

First blog of the year EYYY. Happy New Year then, hopefully a good year in store for all, especially myself but i have no expectations.

I guess, by blogging, i feel my prelim procrastination is somewhat productive, and so i feel better. Yet another example of me kidding myself into thinking what I'm doing is okay. Example numero un; typing out notes. I think; well done Laura, you've done three hours solid revision. But in reality, i don't know it as i was singing along to One Direction and not taking anything in. Example numero deux; printing off notes. I sit and read twitter whilst my 30 sheets of typed-up notes print off. Then i feel i deserve a revision break. I currently feel as if i'm living a lie through this. Must get it sorted before finals. Numero trois; 'doing past papers' which, in my case, it typing up the answers from the answer booklet. I have an OCD that, if I'm not 110% sure that why i'm writing is right, i won't write it. So i seek guidance from the answer booklet and so don't actually learn anything. My revision is awful. I simply don't know how to do it.

Anyway, aside from my riveting social life (or not) I shall update you on my medical position, as, unfortunately, that's why my blog is about. So i had my second ever 'clinic' today. 'Clinic' for us cancer gals is where, each month, you go to hospital outpatients, get an x-ray, get an ultra sound, get blood tests and have a chatter with your consultant about how you're doing and stuff. Today, the hot topic was christmas presents and how the term 'piss up' has been recently replaced with 'skite' (my dad's words not mine) So yeah, i know you're all edge-of-your-seats excited to know how i'm doing so, yeah i'm good. Could write you a textbook of various side effects but i'm doing okay.

Current side-effects include:

Tiredness; when i say i can't tell you what it feels like not to be tired, i am no liar. I have never experienced anything quite like this. Symptoms of cancer - tiredness. Treatment - tiring. Long-lasting side effect - tiredness. WHEN WILL IT END?!
Minimal concentration span; this and prelims simply and brutally do not bode well. I cannot concentrate one any one thing for much longer than ten minutes. I can't write full blogs, nor can i write up huge notes in one sitting, or even listen to a full song. Nothing.
Horrendous balance; to the extent, that as a christmas present, my mother bought me a 'balance band' Now, I've never been one for gracefulness or elegancy, but i have never been this clumsy before. I can barely walk up or down stairs without falling over. (apparently these are highly rated by celebs; Becks is a fan as well as the princess herself. Lea Michelle also wears one in New Year's Eve. Lgibz trend setter EYYOOO)

Middleton aka Princess Cluts
 sporting her balance band. 

Poor eyesight; again, never been one for 20-20 vision and I've had glasses for over a year now. but even with glasses, my eyesight goes blurry and hazy. Not very helpful in the midst of exams and mass workload.
Emotional disfunctions; emotionally, i'm a mess. Verging on bipolar. There is not much more to say under this heading if i'm honest.
Confusion; again, i've never been one for being quick. Never been the sharpest crayon or the pinkest ham buut this is taking confusion and blonde-ness to a new extreme. Very surprised my hair grew back brunette.

Anyway, that's a good half hour of wasted time. must now crack on with some English. Excuse me whilst I dive into the deep depths of Streetcar. Oh the joys..

New.

Hogmanay 2011

So it's 3.15am on the 31st December 2011 and I'm still awake (god knows why) and reflecting on the past year. This time last year, i was completely oblivious as to what was coming. Had someone told me I would have fought and beat cancer in the next calendar year, i would have laughed in their face. It just seemed so unrealistic. Cancer was something you rarely heard of, knew nothing about and had annoying television adverts that make you feel bad..for 5 seconds before switching channels. Now, a year down the line i feel i'm a completely different person. Not only do i appreciate life and everything in it so much more, but i feel so much less selfish and a whole lot more selfless. Thinking about it, I've been ruddy good this year, if i say so myself. I've dived in head first and got on with it as best i possibly can and it's all paid off. Cannot even begin to imagine where I'd be had it not been for my family and nurses. (probably up there with the big guy if i'm perfectly honest)

So with a new year, comes a new start and new resolutions.
(although none of my Christmas predictions were right..awkward.)
1) get good highers
2) do a lot of charity work (LYNNE, COME AT ME BRO)
3) do one good deed every day
4) stay close to those who mean the most
5) figure out what i want in life

Usually, my resolutions are that of 'don't bite my nails.' or 'eat more green vegetables' but no, this year they're back with a vengeance; bigger and better than ever and i WILL, i repeat, will achieve them if it's the last thing i do.

Quoting my fave people of all time 'we've come so far, and we've reached so high and we've looked each day and night in the eye and we're still so young and we hoped for more' sorry, seemed very appropriate for this situation.

So imma forget about how crappy 2011 has been, and welcome in the new year with open arms and much optimism. 2012 LETS SEE WHAT YOU GOT. Happy New Year folks x

Christmas Celebrations

I'd like to start off my blog with the best bit of news that I've been given for a very long time; I'M IN REMISSION. Yes, ladies and gents, Laura is finally and officially in remission with no more active disease. This means, that I'm now free for five years, to see if my disease relapses, and if it doesn't, I'm 'cured'

re·mis·sion/riˈmiSHən/

Noun:

The cancellation of a debt, charge, or penalty. A diminution of the seriousness or intensity of disease or pain; a temporary recovery.

I was given this news (in a surprisingly casual conversation) on December 21st. Coincidentally, that night was the big night out for one of my girls' birthdays, so this was more cause for more celebrations. I physically cannot express in actions or words how relieved I am/was. Quite literally the best Christmas present i could ever have gotten. As they say 'the best presents are those with no cost' ..or something like that. And the words of my beautiful auntie "today is the first day of the rest of your life." And that's exactly how i see it; the opportunity to start over and get my life back into full swing. No better time to start than Christmas; the most wonderful time of the year.

So following that; I hope you all had the most amazing christmas surrounded by the amazing company that is your family. My mum and I paid a visit to Sick Kids Ward 2 on Christmas Eve to play the role of Santa. Unfortunately the ward is almost full and remained that way over Christmas Day. However, the 'real' Santa (obv not the real one because I saw him last weekend and he would've told me) paid them a visit and they all got lots of presents anyway.

It's been almost a week since we broke up from school, and I haven't even thought about prelim revision, so this is definitely a job for tomorrow. Been far too busy with Christmas Festivities. Why are prelims in January? give them to us in November so we can enjoy our Christmas holidays; only the most important holiday of them all in biblical terms. So I guess from now on it's solid work until May. spare me, please. Would quite like to fast forward to SUMMER please.

Anyway, happy holidays guys.

The Most Beautiful Time of Year

GUESS WHERE I WAS YESTERDAY.
okay, so most of you know, but i was in LAPLAND. yes, as in Lapland, Santa's home. Every year, the Edinburgh charity FACE (Fighting Against Cancer in Edinburgh) take a group of children who've been battling cancer to Lapland for the day to take their minds off the sh!t they've gone through and to treat them. It was beyond exciting, especially as it was the first time I've been out of Scotland for 10 months; which is the longest I've ever ever not been on holiday. (my family are holiday fanatics) so I'll give you a bit of an insight, because i know you're all dying to know.

So at 5am on Sunday, i was rudely awoken by my father telling me we had to leave in 20 minutes. ..not helped by the fact I got to bed 3 hours earlier. SKITE-MARE. We went to Edinburgh airport to find our flight was delayed. At around 8.30 we eventually got on our plane headed to Kittila, in Finland. The plane was around three hours which was passed very slowly as the children were singing christmas songs through the inter-call. definitely not needed at such a disgusting hour.

When we arrived in Kittila, we were given thermal snowsuits and snow boots into which we changed and we were ready to go. We split into groups and got a 'motorised sledge ride' into the Lapland resort. (when i say motorised sledge, i very much mean a wooden box driven by a foreign woman on a snowmobile) however, it was extremely fun..for the first twenty minutes. By then i was sure i had at least one frost bite and couldn't feel my face in the -35 climate. Finally, after about forty five minutes of being numb, we arrived in Lapland where we were greeted by my new soon-to-be best friends; Santa's elves who handed over hot chocolate and took us into a cosy log-cabin with a fire.

After much debate about whether we should venture back out into the arctic, we left the log cabin and headed straight for the Huskies. There are no words to describe this. Riding in a husky-pulled-reindeer skin-sledge. wow. It was literally unreal. 10 small huskies pulling two of us around a course. Definitely something everyone should put on their bucket list.



















We then struggled through the deep snow to the Reindeer rides. again, too amazing for words. Being pulled in, again, a reindeer fur sledge by reindeer. like..real reindeer! The little girl, Eve, i was with was telling me how the reindeer we had was Blitzen because (s)he is the fastest. But Rudolf was in the North Pole sleeping so she couldn't see him. she was close to tears whilst facing the fact she wasn't going to see Rudolf. bless her cotton socks.


As we were cold, we needed a huge adrenaline rush. so off to the snowmobiles we went. unreal fun. Whizzing around at 80mph on a bumpy snow track around a frozen lake. Snow flying in your eyes, not being able to see anything, getting frost bite, again. wow. adrenaline rush: check.

We were then a bit chilly (aka frozen numb) so decided to get into a mass snowball fight. Clever, huh? So we had a snowball fight and went sledging and then we literally couldn't move so waddled inside the 'resaurant' for some 'food' (note: inverted commas meaning it wasn't very edible) and had a wander around the far too over-priced shop.

After chilling for a bit we joined the queue for SANTA. whilst waiting, we had banter with the elves who taught us a dance and believes i was famous in the UK for singing and dancing..lol. So we got to the front of the queue for Santa and got to go into his grotto. i kid you not, after that encounter, Santa is real. all you haters can believe what you like, but the man exists. He had a long white beard with long white hair, an oversized beer belly, and he knew everything about me. Officially a child again.

So that's a short summary of my Lapland experience. Please, if you've never been before, GO. you will regret it if you don't. such an unreal day, very surreal; it feels like it was a dream. SUCH huge thanks to John Maccauly and his team at FACE. AYYO.

So apart from Lapland, it's a very exciting time of year, i had my end-of-treatment diagnostic scans last Tuesday, had my sixteenth (woo so old ///) on Thursday, moved house on Friday, birthday dinner and Errington skite on Saturday, Lapland yesterday, Georgia's birthday skite on Wednesday and pupil entertainment and PANTO on Thursday before we break up for CHREEEESTMUUUUSSS. So, in the case of me not blogging until Sunday, i hope you all have an amazing Christmas. However, if you don't believe in Santa, it's simple, you won't.

Ho Ho Ho!