Control

So I notice I've become somewhat absent. This is not because I don't have time for my blog, it's simply due to the fact that I have nothing much cancer-related to talk about, and this being a blog about my cancer, it all proves a little difficult. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean my life is back to hunky-dory how it was; far from it, in fact..it just means that nothing is interesting enough to share.

However, I have experienced a few problems as of late, which have made me angry, to say the least. So I finish my treatment; my nine months of hell and I'm put into remission. YAY. WOPEE. HALLELUJAH. CELEBRATIONS. All is well; I'm told my life will slowly morph back to normality, I only need to go into hospital once a month for clinic, my side effects shouldn't be too disruptive, I should cope fine..la de dah. I'm given the impression that I have my life back. Yes? No. I have recently discovered that my life is still very much controlled by my disease, by my doctors and by the hospital.

Example A

For about three years now, I've wanted double piercings (a piercing just above a normal lobe one) and to begin with, my parents were all 'no no you're not getting that' and it annoyed me very much. And then they accepted it and agreed to it early last year as I was getting ill. I was then diagnosed and all that was thrown out the window due to infection risk etc. As soon as my treatment is over, I'm planning on when to get them done, where to go and all that. I'm told to wait a few months for my bloods to go back to normal. That was October. This is June. I'm still unpierced. I decide to go last week, plan it, and tell my mum. "Oh did Angela say it was okay" "Well, she said in October to wait a couple months.." "No, no, I would rather you had Angela's direct permission." Angela being my consultant and first port of call. REALLY? I am not twelve. I do not want to have to get permission for everything I do. I want my promised independence, please. 

Example B

I have just returned from spending the week in London on work experience. As far as I'm concerned, and I hope, I am cancer free. Cancer was in a previous life and I'm a 'normal' person now. Of course, not a day goes by without cancer-related implications or jokes or conversations or thoughts, but on the whole it doesn't hugely affect my day-to-day life as it used to, obviously. So I'm all packed and jetted off to London when my mum asks that I've ensured that I've given my discharge notes to my dad's friend who I'm staying with. What? "Just in case anything happens." Fair enough, of course, she is my mother, she worries and my safety is paramount to her. But, really? 

Although these two provided examples may seem somewhat small and petty, there are many. They add up. They frustrate me and they deduct from the normality of my life. My life will never be normal. Never ever. I had cancer and I will forever more be defined and restricted by my cancer. But for crying out loud, let me pierce my ears.

DON'T FORGET TO SPONSOR ME AND MY PALS WHO ARE DOING A DRAGON BOAT RACE NEXT WEEK FOR A LOCAL EDINBURGH CANCER CHARITY. EVERY DONATION WILL MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE. WE NEED YOUR HELP TO REACH OUR TARGETED £2, 000. FOLLOW THIS LINK TO SPONSOR;www.virginmoneygiving.com/team/Lauras-Road-to-Recovery X

Dragon Slaying

Juus' Rowin'

So I just wanted to dedicate a post to this fundraising event me, my family and some friends are doing. Unfortunately, no, it is not quite dragon 'slaying' as I put it. It is dragon boat racing (tomAto, tomato, right?) 


To put it briefly, it is a rowing race. It will take place at Ocean Terminal in Edinburgh on June 23rd. We have built a team and we shall be training from now until then. We are raising money for my fave charity It's Good 2 Give! which supports children, young people and their families in Edinburgh going through cancer. 


So yeah, any extra information is on the website linked. Any donations, however small or large are greatly appreciated and support on the day would be incredible! 


GET DONATING, EVERY LITTLE HELPS. 
Thank you, kind warriors. X


http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=Lauras-Road-to-Recovery&isTeam=true

The Great Escape

So I'm just home from my first holiday after my hour-from-hospital boundary for the past year. And boy, I cannot even explain how amazing it was. Not only was the holiday incredible, but just some sun, a change of scenery and getting away from everyone was exactly what I needed.

My mum, my brothers and I jetted off to Orlando to spend the week doing the parks we've not done before. We stayed in the Hard Rock Hotel which was LEGIT; a three minute walk from the Universal parks and a crazy cool hotel full of rock star memorabilia and poolside bands. We did Universal, Islands of Adventure, Sea World, Busch Gardens and Wet n' Wild in the week and still had time to chill, re-do rides and shop (and spend time with my new boyfriend Joseph obv)

It was the most incredible first holiday post-treatment and has made me beyond keen for summer and all the holidays/events i have in line. Until then, exams, highers, defining my life, no biggie. Death.

In other news, I CAN TIE MY HAIR UP

Cancerversary.

So it has officially been a year. On the 9th March 2011, I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, and on the 9th March 2012 I'm in remission. Crazy huh? I was ill, diagnosed, treated and I'm out the other end all in a calendar year. Far too surreal.

So, of course, because my best friend is a sentimental loser (in the most amazing way), we celebrated..and of course, with food and wine. Lily, who has been the biggest God-send of a friend this year, comes over, bearing gifts of the most sentimental kind; a bedazzled card and a poem. Yes, she wrote a poem about me last year. I read it. I cried. If you were to read it, you'd cry. But you're not going to read it, because it's mine.

Most people would spend the day mourning about how shit a time it's been and how glad they are that it's over. But because that's too mainstream for Lily, we celebrate the fact that I was one of the lucky ones, and that I survived. Yes, it's been a shit year, but at the same time it's been an amazing year. I've met the most amazing people, become closer to the most amazing people in my life and had some amazing experiences. And now that I'm over it, I've come back bouncing.

Anyway, in other news, my fave charity, It's Good 2 Give! had their first ever ball last week which was the biggest of successes. Raising around £20, 000 and leaving the Sheraton wine-less, it was one of the most amazing nights in Good2Give history. I strongly advise tickets to be bought for next year sooner rather than later as it's selling out fast. G2G WINNING.

Tumour Humour.

I've just come home from a weekend in Nottingham at Center Parcs with the Teenage Cancer Trust. Basically, they do an annual conference called 'Find Your Sense of Tumour' (I know, right?) for teenagers over the UK to get together and attend various conferences and partake in various activities. Now, I have no idea what I expected, but definitely not how it was. Spending a weekend with people you don't know, in a confined area, talking about cancer. Doesn't sound too thrilling. And then I got there.


Each day consisted of breakfast, conferences from 9-4, free time and evening meals and discos. The conferences varied from talks from different people with different experiences and a talk from Hardeep Singh Kohli to an inspirational speech from Sean Swarner - the first ever cancer survivor to climb Everest and a question and answer session with a pannel of consultants, experts and GPs. To say the least, they were all surprisingly entertaining whilst still informative. 

Meeting other people going through exactly what you have is so, unbelievably reassuring. You're always told "don't worry. that's normal. everyone in this position goes through that." But you never really believe it. Being handed the opportunity to share experiences of treatment, side effects and how it affects friendships, social lives and you're state of emotion reassures you that, in reality, everyone else actually is going through what you're going through. 

Hodgkins Girls EYYY

The way the weekend and the people functioned was hilarious though. For example, I met a guy whilst waiting for our massages. I spoke to him for about half an hour, spoke to him that night and the following night, could probably tell you his life story, yet I still don't know his name. It just didn't come up in a conversation which started 'Hey, how are you, so what do you have?' and then carried on to share experiences of treatment etc. So, young gentleman from London who has testicular cancer and a tattoo on your neck, if you're reading, get in touch.

Not only did I come away from the weekend tired and inspired, I came back with a lot of new friends, reassurance that I'm 'normal' (for a cancer survivor anyway) and with expanded tumour humour (the ability to laugh and make jokes about cancer, and , obviously, tumours.) So I'm pleased to announce, officially, that I did indeed find my 'sense of tumour' (Which my friend and I decided was a Fabergé Egg) and I am now extremely comfortable in my new senses.

For further information, you can watch the conferences online at www.jimmyteens.tv (I strongly recommend Sean Swarner's when it's uploaded.) 

Blah Blah Blah

So after a month of hard work, prelims are finally over. EYYY. I feel as if I've just invented the telephone or something, this feels like suuch an achievement for me. I've never really sat exams before. I missed my third year exams due to Iceland conveniently erupting which meant we were stuck in the Caribbean and had to spend a week in New York before we were able to fly home (shame that) and my fourth year prelims don't count because i did nil revision and wrote about a sentence per answer due to my lack of energy as i was so ill. An obviously i didn't sit any Int2's because i was having treatment and missing school. (although i sat maths, having taught myself unit 3 (the hard bit) and sitting it in my hospital room, and achieved an A..incase i didn't tell you..but i will have because it's probably the biggest achievement of my life, not even kidding) So sitting proper exams, in a big exam hall was practically new to me. Not an experience that i'd wish to occur more often, but it was.. regrettably, quite fun. Although i'm beyond glad they're now over and i can sit, do nothing and not feel guilty.

In other news, i chemically straightened my hair this week. Basically, being the fan/stalker of Sophie's blog that I am, after she blogged about being able to have non-microphone, non-Frankie Cocozza/Harry Styles styled hair, I had to try it myself. And it was one of the best recommendations I think I've ever had. So many people say "aw it must be quite convenient having short hair, must be so easy to maintain." but ladies and gents, don't be fooled by the dyke spike. With my long hair, I'd wash it every second night, let it dry naturally and straighten it when i could be bothered. With my dyke spike, however, I have to wash it almost every night, blow dry it and then straighten it if I plan on leaving the house in order to look relatively normal. I've never spent so much hair-time in my life. So i invested in 'Soft Sheen Carson Dark and Lovely Kids' hair relaxing kit. All that was involved was mixing the mousse, applying the mousse and washing out and BAM i have straight hair without having to blow dry or straighten. Absolute bliss.

before 

after (naturally dried, unstraightened. EYY)

The last thing I'd like to mention in my blog is the current state of humanity. Now I have some pretty incredible people in my life. An amazing family, incredible friends and such a good support group, but I've also encountered some pretty disgusting people. The perfect example of this is my experience from this morning. So there I am, chilling in bed, when my phone buzzes with a facebook notification. A friend of mine had been fraped and left a comment on my facebook including the term 'patient c*nt.' This in itself is pretty sick. Picking on people for the way they look, the way they act etc is one thing, but making fun of people that have a disease that is outwith their control is a whole new level of low. So I delete it, spare the poor lowlife from embarrassment, to which i am bombarded with another comment saying 'haha deleted my comment you tumor' like..wtf. Not as if I was offended; those who know me know that I'm not one for caring what others think of me; I was just a bit shocked, and disgusted. Now I'm not going to name and shame, although I know who it was, but people who do stuff like this need to have a think about their life and adopt some boundaries because I know I'm not the only one who gets abuse for the same reasons, some friends do as well and it's just disgusting. The people I've met through my disease are some of the strongest, most inspirational people I have ever come across and people who evidently have nothing better to do really do not deserve to be bad-mouthing other people for such reasons.

I couldn't think of a better name for this blog than Blah Blah Blah because it's literally just me ranting and exposing my thoughts. Sorry for the shchat. I promise to try harder. X

Procrastination.

First blog of the year EYYY. Happy New Year then, hopefully a good year in store for all, especially myself but i have no expectations.

I guess, by blogging, i feel my prelim procrastination is somewhat productive, and so i feel better. Yet another example of me kidding myself into thinking what I'm doing is okay. Example numero un; typing out notes. I think; well done Laura, you've done three hours solid revision. But in reality, i don't know it as i was singing along to One Direction and not taking anything in. Example numero deux; printing off notes. I sit and read twitter whilst my 30 sheets of typed-up notes print off. Then i feel i deserve a revision break. I currently feel as if i'm living a lie through this. Must get it sorted before finals. Numero trois; 'doing past papers' which, in my case, it typing up the answers from the answer booklet. I have an OCD that, if I'm not 110% sure that why i'm writing is right, i won't write it. So i seek guidance from the answer booklet and so don't actually learn anything. My revision is awful. I simply don't know how to do it.

Anyway, aside from my riveting social life (or not) I shall update you on my medical position, as, unfortunately, that's why my blog is about. So i had my second ever 'clinic' today. 'Clinic' for us cancer gals is where, each month, you go to hospital outpatients, get an x-ray, get an ultra sound, get blood tests and have a chatter with your consultant about how you're doing and stuff. Today, the hot topic was christmas presents and how the term 'piss up' has been recently replaced with 'skite' (my dad's words not mine) So yeah, i know you're all edge-of-your-seats excited to know how i'm doing so, yeah i'm good. Could write you a textbook of various side effects but i'm doing okay.

Current side-effects include:

Tiredness; when i say i can't tell you what it feels like not to be tired, i am no liar. I have never experienced anything quite like this. Symptoms of cancer - tiredness. Treatment - tiring. Long-lasting side effect - tiredness. WHEN WILL IT END?!
Minimal concentration span; this and prelims simply and brutally do not bode well. I cannot concentrate one any one thing for much longer than ten minutes. I can't write full blogs, nor can i write up huge notes in one sitting, or even listen to a full song. Nothing.
Horrendous balance; to the extent, that as a christmas present, my mother bought me a 'balance band' Now, I've never been one for gracefulness or elegancy, but i have never been this clumsy before. I can barely walk up or down stairs without falling over. (apparently these are highly rated by celebs; Becks is a fan as well as the princess herself. Lea Michelle also wears one in New Year's Eve. Lgibz trend setter EYYOOO)

Middleton aka Princess Cluts
 sporting her balance band. 

Poor eyesight; again, never been one for 20-20 vision and I've had glasses for over a year now. but even with glasses, my eyesight goes blurry and hazy. Not very helpful in the midst of exams and mass workload.
Emotional disfunctions; emotionally, i'm a mess. Verging on bipolar. There is not much more to say under this heading if i'm honest.
Confusion; again, i've never been one for being quick. Never been the sharpest crayon or the pinkest ham buut this is taking confusion and blonde-ness to a new extreme. Very surprised my hair grew back brunette.

Anyway, that's a good half hour of wasted time. must now crack on with some English. Excuse me whilst I dive into the deep depths of Streetcar. Oh the joys..