It's recently occurred to me that people don't expect me to be happy. Many people, especially the ones I've not seen since the diagnosis seem to be shocked at how happy I am and how I actually smile. Sorry, is it a crime now ? 'Ooh you have cancer, you shouldn't be smiling.' HELL NO imma smile just as I like thanks! It's a proven fact that people in situations similar to mine actually have a 20% higher cure rate if they're happy. Being surrounded by negativity and negative vibes can corrupt your body. Crazy huuh, so yeah, stay away from me if you're moody. I want this cancer gone so imma smile like I meaaan it. Although there are days where you just wanna spend the entire day snuggled in your onesie infront of the TV with chocolate and sad films. I try not to, but that's what my evenings tend to consist of. Ice cream is a great comfort food. Such a happy food, so soothing and relaxing and doesn't fill you up. My brother and I (more so my brother) have massive love for ice cream. Except my dad's fave, Rum and Raisin which remains untouched since roughly June with merely a spoonful out of it where we tried it and vommed. (not literally)
Anyway, I haven't written a blog in almost a week with the sheer reason that I literally have nothing to write about! I sit to write a blog but nothing comes to me; my life has literally no excitement to it. I've done nothing in the past week. Went to the cinema and saw Arthur- highly recommend it! Absolute hilarity and increased my undying love for Russell Brand, which I didn't think was humanly possible! Also increased my painful desire for the perfect boyfriend (sad, I know.) I thought, maybe, that I'd find some guy in my ward like the guy in My Sister's Keeper; relatively good looking, understands what I'm going through, seriously decent guy, good boyfriend etc (hopefully doesn't die whilst with me). Buut nope. Nothing. Some of my girls and I had a BBQ on Saturday. Well, when I say BBQ, it rained so we cooked chicken and ate crisps and sat, chatting (mainly again about boys of course) and listened to old music. And that's the problem with Scotland at the moment; the bipolar weather. For example, yesterday, at around twelve I was driving through town unable to see out the windscreen because of the torrential rain literally flooding down the streets, and less than 20 minutes later it was sunny, warm and nice weather. CRAAZY. So unpredictable.
|My bootiful Eefy and Lilz.|
So it was good catching up with my school girls on Saturday. And I also met two of my beautiful ladies Aoife and Lily for lunch on Saturday. I promised I'd write about them, so I'm gonna have to think what to write. They're two of the strangest people you'll probably ever meet. In the best way possible of course. Since my diagnosis they've been amazing. Always there if I need a chat. Or just someone to rant to or laugh at, they're very good to laugh at. We sat and got matching drinks and chatted about piercings and people and cats and reminisced old times and just laughed. It was so nice just to feel normal, it was the first time I'd been into town to see friends and just socialise in a long time, since about February so it's so so good to begin to get normality back into my life bit by bit. Aoife and Lily are seriously two of the best friends I could possibly ask for, and for that I thank them. Love you ladies.
True friends are hard to find. Everyone has loads of friends, and best friends, for example, my 'group' at school consists of ten of us, and on top of that there's other girls who I'd consider my closest friends as well. I have one best friend, of course Chloe and my other girls follow right behind her. I'm lucky in that sense. But at the beginning of this all, my dad told me that this would change things and it would show who my true friends were. He told me people would move on and get on with their lives, because they can. Not forget about me, but I'd become less important to them. Which was inevitable, people don't always have time for people who they don't see anymore, so it's not their fault. But I'd also make new friends and keep them. And I didn't realise just how right he'd be. Even just the two months I've been living in this different world, I've realised so many different things. Some people just aren't who you think you are, or they have five different sides to them, and not all nice. When you're around these people so much you don't realise but when they're stripped from you, you see it. And it's horrible. Someone will mention a party they're excited for, I ask who's and BAM it's one of my best friends, and I never even knew never mind was invited. And yes, this is like the fiftieth time I've complained about being forgotten and just dismissed from social activities and I'm beginning to accept it but this time I was cut deep! Sorry for the rant, but it's amazing how no one is ever who you think they are. [I'd like to add that this rant isn't really directed at any of my friends in particular and is not to be taken personally because I love my friends more than anythaaang.]