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Thursday, 12 May 2011

There's No Place Like Home

It's amazing how familiar unfamiliar places can become. Back before March, the only time I've ever been in a hospital was to visit someone, mainly babies that have just been born. Now, the trip from home to hospital and the area that the hospital is in is beyond familiar. Like a second home really. Walking into the Ward and being greeted by the nurses and doctors, even other patients and their families. It's strange. You don't tend to properly know anyone, but you know who they are, who's mum they are, all just because they're in the same dreadful position of having to spend endless hours in hospital. Luckily though, I've not been in much recently. I was in last Tuesday, then not again until this Tuesday just past and now (hoping all goes well) I'm on my drugless, hospital-less thirteen days between cycles. So all my major OAPA (some medical drug term, don't ask) drugs are finished. Cycles one and two of six are finished! This is beyond exciting for me. I have (again, hopefully) thirteen days of freedom, then we must venture up to Aberdeen for a beloved PET scan and MRI scans to ensure all is well in my tumours and then it's all go with COPDAC (more drug terms) for cycles three, four, five and six! I've been randomised for these next cycles, which basically means a computer decided what drugs I get. They're all the same bar one, which is randomised in Germany, the one I've ended up with is an infusion instead of an oral pill which is a pain, but it affects fertility less so I'll pay the price. However, it's a half an hour infusion..with six hours hydration. JOYOUS. But nevertheless, we're slowly and surely getting through these cycles. Bring on September..hopefully!

So I've been spending a lot of time at home as a result of not being in hospital. Of course, I'd rather be at home than in hospital, but my hour infusion on Tuesday was exciting, just getting out the house really. Boredom is a major issue in my life, as I'm sure I've probably done my fair share of ranting about already! This week has flown by though. I haven't even done much..well, anything. My dad took me to the Bead Shop in Stockbridge on Monday, so we bought some beads and are going to attempt some bracelet making to kill an afternoon, he also bought me a 'Knit Your Perfect Boyfriend' for me to try. Unfortunately it's woollen so won't turn into the Prince Charming I'm searching for, but it's a start! It's aged 8+ so I'm hoping I'll manage, I wouldn't be at all surprised if I failed though. I bought a Princess cupcake mixture last week, also aged 8+ and they didn't look quite as good as they did on the box, nor taste great. But hey! They never do, right?  I made brownies yesterday though. They were good. A recipe of Nigella Lawson, the only flaw was I left them in the oven maybe three minutes too long. But of course that didn't stop half the batch disappearing down my brother's throats within an hour.

You really appreciate homey things though. Just a double bed, quietness, a kitchen where you can help yourself and just rooms to chill in. You never get that in hospital. You can't really do that for yourself, everything seems to be done for you. I've started helping out with cooking, well..kind of..not really. But still, I wish I could cook. Just having your own space, because although you get your own room in hospital, there's always your mum or dad or visitor there too and you just never seem to get time, quiet and space to yourself. The upsides of having mum or dad there is the 'mum, can you go and get me ___ from the kitchen' instead of the awkwardness of having to ring the buzzer and ask the nurse to get you it. But sometimes you just need your own space. I've settled with my parents that when I'm an inpatient, the evenings are mine. They can come until 7/8ish, then they shall hop to the kitchen and get me what food/drinks I require for the rest of the night and they hop home. I like hospital evenings, the LED coloured lights in the rooms given such a relaxing vibe, just chilling in a dim purple light watching whatever crap is on TV. Everything is so mellow.

So SQA exams begin tomorrow with English. I'm extremely glad and grateful I've wriggled my way out of them. Although the little 'Aw, so you're not doing exams?! I'm SO jealous. You're SO lucky' comments really bug me. REALLY, ARE YOU ?! Are you SO jealous that I have cancer and therefore no life for the next six months, does that make me REALLY lucky. No. No it really doesn't thank you. I've had so many of these. 'What do you do all day?' 'Not much.' 'You're so lucky. You can just sleep and chill and not go to school.' Yes, well actually, I'd rather go to school, rather do exams and live a normal life. Leave me alone. But anyway, good luck all you geeks out there. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and for the rest of the month whilst i willow away trying to teach myself the Intermediate2 Maths course, which I will undoubtably fail, even though it's my only exam. Oh the stresses of a teenage girl.

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